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What Is Your Measuring Stick?
We all have one. We keep it tucked away out of sight — ready to pull out during moments of insecurity, perceived weakness and even in the spotlight of success. It’s an invisible and often harsh ruler against which we judge ourselves.
As we travel through life, absorb social norms, carry the burden of familial expectations and compare ourselves to others, many of us accumulate a check list of things we’re “supposed” to be or have.
In the world of psychology and mental health counseling, we call this an internal life script, which our self-critic uses to judge our relative proximity to our idealized self.
Up until recently, I measured myself against a common script. By age 23, I should have a master’s. By 30, I should be married. By 35, I should be a father. I should hold a job that is fulfilling, financially lucrative and commands respect. I should have a big title and be an expert in my field. I should be physically fit and emotionally stable. Every moment should be filled with purpose, and happiness should be a constant state.
Ah the “tyranny of the shoulds.” Just writing that list gives me agita. So. Much. Pressure.
